Facebook Status Funnies

I check Facebook fairly regularly and I am constantly amazed at how witty and hilarious some of my Facebook friends are when they update their statuses. I don't update my status very often because I can never think of anything clever to say (and I don't want to be one of those people that post minutia so often that you hide me)! If you are like me, never fear! Here are some status updates that you can borrow from my friends (they'll never know- I promise!).

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*What authority should I notify if I'm pretty sure Costco is sprinkling cocaine on their cinnamon rolls?

*So my 6 year old son made breakfast in bed for my husband and me this morning. He made a raw bacon sandwich. So thoughtful of him, but had to tell him that we need to cook the bacon first. But hey at least he tried!

*If you can't laugh at yourself, don't worry. I've got you covered.

*Did you know that WD-40 will wipe crayon marks off of walls and doors? *sigh*

*Tomorrow I’m gonna write a blog post about procrastination

*Sad day- My daughter can now wear my shoes. =( But on the up side, if hers are by the door when I want to go check the mail, no problem!

*scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal today’s status.

*Amy C. is wondering if I should be concerned that my daughter likes to talk to her pretend mommy more than she likes to talk to me.

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I suppose that I am actually pretty funny once in a while because one of these is actually mine... can you guess which one?

So what do you put on your facebook status? Got anything clever that I can say to amuse the masses?